Do you feel you are not enough?
Dr. Chandana D. Karathully
Inferiority Complex is a term that we hear and use frequently. It can include all the thoughts, emotions and behaviours that result from the feeling that ‘I am not enough, I am not good or smart or beautiful enough’. Rooted in emotional insecurity, spreading across all social, intellectual, psychological and physical levels, inferiority complex is a cancer that affects all our activities. It’s roots are so unconscious that it’s hard to get a grip on it. It is difficult to recognize too, because it takes its roots during early childhood.
The principle of inferiority complex was first described by eminent Psychologist Alfred Adler. Early childhood experiences play a major role in shaping our identity. There is no doubt that no baby is born with a sense of inferiority and thus we can assume that inferiority complex is later acquired in life. According to Adler, all children try to behave like young adults and have a need establish themselves as capable and capable. They all have the ambition to establish that they are smart and that they have a place and a right in the world. But there are situations in life that make us doubt in our sense of superiority, the shaming and criticizing messages that we receive question our positive sense of self and slowly we become more and more obsessed with the thought that we are worse than others, that others are better, smarter and more capable. Certain parental behaviours and involvement also add up to that. We may feel this is so trivial, but the emotional impact that has on children is huge.
Each such situation creates embarrassment, feelings of defeat, humiliation, frustration, sadness and hatred within us. We don’t have a parenting system that has helped us openly and effectively communicate such negative feelings as a child. Therefore, we tend to subconsciously subvert all these negative emotions. The thought that ‘I am worse than others’ has already formed in the unconscious, and again and again, whenever the negative feelings arise they tend to attach themselves in the unconscious to form inferiority complex, the giant trigger of feeling ‘everyone sees me as incompetent’. This complex grows every time when we feel that others are criticizing us and making fun of us. We are constantly trying to get past this complex, to get along with others or to get to the top. We continue to try to establish that ‘I am worthy’. Even when we are grown up, we try to prove to ourselves and others that we are worthy of love, care, attention or praise. Often it’s just not healthy. We might be making ourselves and those around us uncomfortable, we might be avoiding situations where we think we might be attacked, we might be trying too much not to make mistakes, we might be working so hard to please people and so on.
Inferiority perception affects our behaviour in two ways. One is that, we constantly try to bring excessive perfection to everything that we do. In the past, no one accepted our faults, we never got the recognition when we were not perfect, so we cannot accept ourselves as non-perfect, and we cannot forgive ourselves when we make mistakes. That is, we are constantly criticizing ourselves so that others may not criticize us. As a result, we insist that everything we do should be better.
Although it may seem healthy, such obsession over perfection can cause a great deal of stress for himself and for those with him. Moreover, this person who tries to get his job done right, may hope that others around him should put in that effort too. As a result, they become overly critical of others, pointing out their faults and not being able to forgive them. The mistakes and shortcomings of a perfectionist must have been overly pointed out by others at a young age, and hence they cannot accept themselves and others with mistakes, because they were not taught to forgive and forget.
Secondly, We may avoid situations that we feel there are chance where people might criticize us. Avoiding getting ahead and doing things is sometimes a defence to overcome the notion that people may avoid us. If we altogether avoid such situations as such, there will be no risk of being rejected by loved ones, right? It is such a sense of inferiority that makes us so vulnerable to criticism and rejection. And what if someone actually really blame us? It hurts us unexplainably and we may be devastated to know that they are thinking less of us. There are also people who attack those verbally who they perceive to be criticizing them.
How we see ourselves or how we evaluate ourselves is a subject that is closely connected to lack of self confidence. It is a matter of confidence that we see ourselves positively. If a person is constantly comparing himself to others chances are he might be lacking a positive sense of self. Only when he feels that he is doing better than others can he have a positive attitude toward himself. Low self esteem is debilitating and is a core of psychological distress.
Today, a large number of people, irrespective of their age, occupation, marital status, struggle with lack of self esteem and feelings of inferiority. How can the children feel confident when they are raised and taught in the environment of criticism? They may feel that unconditional love is not for them, that they are worthy of love only if they fulfil certain criteria. They do not see and accept them themselves as imperfect humans as they should be. Raising kids without expressing love, harshly punishing and teasing, and reminding them about every mistake they have ever committed, without showing them the strength they are born with can have detrimental effects on their personality. This can in turn cause issues in interpersonal relationships. Raising kids by generating a positive sense of self is the only answer. Cultivating mental health as a community should start from there.